I’m Going to Miss My Panda.

Year before last I lost 36lbs the good ole healthy way. I was essentially single, working 2 jobs/7 days a week and could selfishly focus every evening to working out. I had the most awesome personal trainer. He was a totally scatter brained hippy stoner but the most successful personal trainer at the private studio I went to. He kicked my ass and I did things I had no idea my body was capable of. I definitely was not the skinniest I had ever been but I was the healthiest and strongest I’ve ever been. I looked and felt fucking awesome.

I can’t find a pic of me at my best. This is me after loosing my first 20lbs or so.

Then after a whole year of hard work and spending 1/2 my income on trainer. (I never ate out or did anything fun, all my money went to training. I’m not rich, I worked multiple jobs to afford the luxury of having a trainer.) I let it all go. At first it was a little cheating here and a little cheating there. But after that cheating I was fat. And after I got fat I gave up. What’s was the point in continuing to torture myself any longer? I was already a disgusting fat mess I might as well enjoy myself. And oddly enough it was during those days that I was living larger than life that I met The Husband and fell in love.  At least I know he loves me for who I am!

It’s time to be honest with myself, I’m not happy and it’s time for change.

Mine is on the left: grilled chicken, grilled vegetables, a salad and heart healthy red wine in moderation. The Husband gets bonus rice.

I’m starting to eat better but it’s really hard. Sticking to a strict diet before was easy because I only kept healthy food in the fridge so there was never temptation.

Mine is on the left: Acorn squash, balsamic vegetables, steak, scallops and just one glass of red wine. The Husband gets bonus fries.

I’m trying to do a lot of vegetables with a reasonable amount of protein and avoiding simple carbs. I know the booze is what fuels The Panda the most, but baby steps people! First food and exercise, then we’ll address my eligibility for a 12 step program later.

I’ve starting logging all my food, booze and exercise with the Loseit! iPhone app. Next week we are out of town for 9 days for Thanksgiving and I’m sure I’ll indulge. But hopefully when we come back I’ll have a fairly progressive December until the holidays kick my ass. I do know for sure that the beginning of next year I’m going all out for sure! And I have to hold myself completely accountable all alone. No trainer. No nutritionist. No workout buddy. I have to do it.  After the new year begins I only have 3 months until we go to Lebanon. I really don’t want to embarrass The Husband by being the gross obese American wife.

Maybe I won’t miss The Panda that much after all.

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